her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
