dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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