i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
