I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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