I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
