yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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