you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
