you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
