oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
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i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
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My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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