He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
