1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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