i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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