Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Randomize
