tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
