I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
