Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
