seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
