your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
