My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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