fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
