So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
