I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I need moral support for this bender
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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