When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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