halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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