Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
