the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize