I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
