he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
