Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
