I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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