How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
time to smoke my breakfast
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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