I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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