What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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