how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
