dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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