ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
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