Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Randomize
