i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
