hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
