I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
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MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
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My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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