Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
