I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
