I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
