Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
