I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
