At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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