Umm I'm too high to move.
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
