Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Dignity is for republicans.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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