I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
