he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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