Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
