i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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