Three words: puerto rican gang bang
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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