I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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