i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
