i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
