I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
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Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
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HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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