i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
