Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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