Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
