My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
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