That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
