i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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