apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
