ya dads aren't the best wingmen
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
