Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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