come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
