I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
