Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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