Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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